Here I sit once again putting pen to paper so to speak.
The reason I am writing this page is because of Sexual Molestation/Assault/Harassment and Oral Rape.
I am not sure what or how to write this, I just know I need too.
Before anyone has a pink fit about me writing the below and naming people, this is what was right for me and may not be right for you or anyone else.
I have recently been asked why I don't take a stand and report these incidents and of course have these people charged, well as you read below I will answer that question in every section or incident.
The date is now 25th July 2010, I am adding to this page as a few things have come to mind about 2 incidents when I was a child. I am editing this page to fix it up, I never knew why some of this didn't make sense to me at the time of writing it all down but it seems it is all coming to the light so to speak.
This is the first of many pages I intend to write, I have done what is right for everyone my whole life and I always put ME last, this is my time to make things right with me first and to anyone else I write about.
Whether I am naming someone for wrongful doings or actions towards me or if I am apologising for my wrongful doings to others.
These are MY feelings and MY thoughts, MY true life experiences, hey if you don't like what your reading, it is really simple, CLOSE THE PAGE, easy now wasn't it.
It is not my intentions to hurt anyone but someone once taught me that I need to do what is right for me, and that is exactly what I am doing.
By the way, that someone was Crazyfeet40/ Rena my very long time friend from USA, you know something she was absolutely so right, and I thank her with all my heart for helping me.
After I had written this page, I mentioned it to someone on the Pandora's Project's Message Board Forum for
Rape, Sexual Assault, Sexual Abuse Survivors / Victims that I have been writing this page.
This is what had been said to me, that's when a lot of my writing made more sense to me as in how and why I was doing it and online.
This lady didn't know I was writing my life experiences online and I couldn't explain why it was right for ME but as soon as she said these words that is when I knew straight away.
Note From Me
This part I never knew how to put into words before, because I just knew and felt to do this.
I told the person I was writing about my experiences and this is what has been said to me.
I'd love to have the link when you're all done.
I think it's great you are doing this - a lot of people find it healing to speak out online, and the people you can touch when you do that are endless. The online world is a big world.
Take good care,
So you see, I knew by writing and adding it online it was for a good purpose and it still is, I just didn't know how to put it into words, I just felt it, I just knew to do it.
Even if my writing helps just one person it was all worth while.
It is not my intentions to hurt anyone, it is to try and help ME heal and to try and get past MY hurt and pain.
If anyone is hurt by my words I am truly very sorry, but you know something, these are MY feelings, and this is ME hurting and this is MY life, not anyone else's.
We are all different and the sooner people accept that we are, this world will be a better place to live in.
Please scroll down to read my stories.
Now you can read my stories.
There is 8 incidents to date that has occurred in my life that is associated in a sexual way.
From my childhood to my teenage/young adult years, then older adult to I guess you call me senior adult being the fact I am 51 years of age and it was still happening in 2010 until I stood up for myself and I took a stand so to speak.
You may have to be a member to read the posts, I am not real sure.
I felt sick when I read exactly what it was and the stories and posts that were on the site, it brought back bad memories of my past, the nasty images that flashed by me of how I was Oral Raped.
I don't know why, but I signed up to the site. I guess to learn more about these things.
I visited the site just a few days ago again and I was reading some more stories and posts that were on the site.
Some of the things that I had read, Explained a lot of why I did things the way I did and how I was feeling.
Why I would feel uncomfortable when a mans private was visible to my eyes, why I would heave or chock up and feel sick when this happened.
Bad memories and flash backs would just pop up out of know where.
Why I would cringe and why I would close my eyes.
The tears would start once again.
I would try and get away from the triggered situation fast but also trying to not attract attention to myself.
That did not work so well a while back with an incident that occurred in a chat program called paltalk, G rated mind you and some people named Sweetgirljudy and TIMBO who attacked me, trashed me out, and encouraged many paltalk members to do the same by spreading lies and false words.
There actions caused many many bad terrifying triggers t othe point I had a breakdown.
I will write the full story of that traumatizing/stressful event soon.
Read this webpage to read what happened.
No one EVER really knew what happened to me, except for ME.
I have kept this to myself for many many years, I am in my 50's now and this Oral Rape happened to me when I was under 20 years of age.
I never told anyone, I was ashamed, I felt dirty, I felt like a scumbag, I felt I was worth nothing to anyone.